'Wednesday's Child'

Monday's child is fair of face,

Tuesday's child is full of grace,

Wednesday's child is full of woe,

Thursday's child has far to go,

Friday's child is loving and giving,

Saturday's child works hard for a living,

But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day

Is bonny and blithe and good and gay

Although it is Sunday today ...I am 'Wednesday's Child'..... .I was born a Wednesday's child


I found this great picture, and though I love it, I really hoped I would have no reason to use it in a post. But alas, today this is exactly how I feel.

Today is Father's Day. And for the 15th year in a row I have no clue as the the location of my Dad. Take it from me, that kind of rejection never fades no matter how much time passes.

Hell, I don't even know if he's still alive....

It's strange to me how I can miss having a family I barely had to begin with. I guess that's not exactly accurate. I had what I thought was a great life for a time. When I was very young. Before I realized how very un-happy( and what a wonderful actress) my mother really was.
( She has since passed away after a noble five year battle with breast cancer)

My adult life however,has been pretty rocky. There have been times that I approached a consciousness close to happiness but I can't say I've ever actually achieved it. Perhaps I have unreasonable expectations. Maybe I wouldn't know it if it bit me in the ass. Maybe it was predestined. Who knows. All I know is that I live it every day and holidays are the worst.

I wonder why happiness has eluded me all these years. Is it because I really don't know what I want? Because I don't know what to ask the "magic 8 ball"? Does anyone really know what they want in life? Don't we all hope to find some to love who loves us back? To find a Career or Job that we enjoy or can at least tolerate, which pays the bills with a little to spare? To help animals and a few people along life's journey. These have been my 'aspirations'.

Perhaps I've been to vague. I've not been specific enough, directing the universe to guide my life in desired directions. Problem is I've not been that particular. I've never KNOWN what I wanted to be when I grew up. I still don't. I just want the respect I deserve ( and I truly believe I'm worthy of) and to stop struggling through life. I've put the time and energy in! I'm willing to put more forth ! But where to direct it for results? This has ever thus been the question.
And I guess it remains such.........